


A Confession

by Nebulash



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Fluff, Lots of gross feelings, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-02 23:00:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6586258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nebulash/pseuds/Nebulash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux is acting strange and Ren wants to get to the bottom of it. What he finds is not what he expects, yet everything he wants. </p>
<p>For the prompt on Tumblr : "Hux is all awkward and then Kylo gets frustrated and tries to read his mind and finds out about his feelings and they have a confrontation?  I didn't know if you'd mind doing a fluffy/pining version of that?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Confession

Hux has been acting strange lately and I’m not entirely sure why. He could just be feeling under the weather but it isn’t like him to let such an insignificance bother him. I’ve been wondering about it for a few cycles now. He seems distracted, tired. It makes me wonder if he’s being pushed beyond his limits. I know he would scold me for thinking he had such low limits if he knew my thoughts, but he doesn’t know my thoughts. I however, can look into his mind whenever I want to and pull out whatever it is that I need. I don’t often. Just on occasion when I’m bored and the General’s mind is in my reach. He’s been getting increasingly good at blocking me out, and I find that quite amusing. It didn’t take him long to learn.

We don’t particularly get along on every matter but we’re very different people so that’s not all that surprising. Hux is calculated and thoughtful, I am not. But these differences don’t necessarily separate us.

 We have similarities too. For example, there are things he feels sometimes, when I scan his mind, that are so similar to the way I feel. It almost makes me proud of myself for being so intrusive - to have found someone that might have a chance of actually understanding me.

I’ve grown used to working alongside him on board the Finalizer as well as I’ve grown used to his habits and silly rituals. Lately he has been more irritable than usual. He never wants to talk to me, not that we really held many conversations before but this feels intentional. I wonder if he is upset with me or has decided I’m not worth his time. It’s eating at me and it shouldn’t be. If Supreme Leader Snoke knew he would likely scold me for worrying about such a pitiful thing. Why did Hux’s recent increase of hostility bother me so?  

I suppose I’ve already answered my question : because Hux is one of the few people that stands a chance of understanding me. I want to dig deeper. I want to see what is causing Hux to pull away from me so. Next time I see him I’ll just force my way into his mind. It shouldn’t be that hard if I’m close enough to touch him. On the Bridge maybe. He won’t want to cause a scene when he feels me inside...

So at the next opportunity to get into Hux’s mind, I do. I purposefully brush up against him as we pass each other on the bridge  and use the electricity that sparks between us when we touch as a conduit to push into his thoughts. It’s easier to break through than usual which is odd to me and what I feel across his mind is even more confusing somehow. What he thinks of this contact we’ve had is absurd. It’s making his heart race and his palms sweaty and he’s cursing himself for being so idiotic as to fall in love with the raging insufferable apprentice of the Supreme Leader. In addition to these thoughts, I see in his mind that he wishes the touch had lasted longer. That he wants more, and that he hopes that I had perhaps ran into him on purpose because I wanted that touch, too. Close but not quite I suppose. There is excitement in the pit of his stomach at the chance of interacting with me though it’s quickly replaced with dread and anger when he feels me in his mind.

Once the moment has passed and our contact had ceased, it isn’t long before Hux is able to construct his mental barriers and keep me out. Here on the bridge he’s unable to do much more than stop in his tracks and stare daggers at me. I don’t need to read his mind to tell he is a mix of embarrassed and furious, his cheeks pink with blush but his eyes are cold with rage. The silence of his gaze gives me a moment to piece together what I had just seen. Hux had said that he had fallen in love with me and that he wanted my touch. The realization sets something on fire in my stomach that noth tickles and burns. In reality Hux is here, attempting to murder me with his eyes and is very upset at my current breach of his privacy.

“Ren...” He glares at me, he always knows exactly where to look in order to look me in the eyes, even with my mask on. “Don’t. Do that. Again." 

I push against his mental barriers almost playfully and can feel him defensively strike me back with as much intention as he can mentally muster. It didn’t matter what Hux did now. It didn’t matter if I got into his mind again. I already had what I wanted. I already knew his secret. For a brief moment, I feel what almost could be sadness pour from Hux in frustration at me and my actions. He turns and leaves to continue his duties as a good General should, though it’s obvious that I’ve wounded him.

He confronts me a while later, but gives me plenty of time to think about what had happened on the bridge. For hours I ponder the encounter. Trying to best recollect the thoughts and feelings I had absorbed through Hux while inside of his mind.

I’ve never experienced love, I don’t think. If I have it must not be very extraordinary, but what I felt pouring through Hux made me instantly believe in something powerful and unbreakable that can connect two people. He wanted me like nobody ever has, and I felt it through him. It was impossible to ignore. Where I expected to find malice and hate, I found something completely foreign. I know what malice and hate feel like, but I’m a stranger to love.

This wasn’t truly love yet. That I was sure of, if such a thing even existed at all. But it was a start. A beginning of the first thing In my possession that I didn’t have the urge to destroy.

When Hux approaches me later. We are in a quiet hallway late into the cycle. Both of us should probably be getting some much needed rest, but neither of us are very good at that. He walks towards me and corners me, a fierceness in his step that makes my hair stand on end. I resist the urge to reach out to him and push into his mind once more, thirsty for what other thoughts and feelings he had for me. But I don’t.

“What you did on the bridge today was highly inappropriate”

“You were acting odd. I needed to make sure there wasn’t something wrong with you.”

“What if there was? Would you and Snoke replace me? I think that’s unlikely.”

“Unlikely maybe, but not impossible General.”

“You hold no rank here Ren, don’t act like you have power over me.”

“I don’t have power over you, I don’t have rank, but I have connections to things you wouldn’t even understand. And that makes me important.”

 “Right. Is that what you tell yourself when you put that mask on everyday? That you’re important?  Nothing important hides behind a mask”

 This angers me, so I remove the mask that is apparently offending Hux so. He’s still not quite used to seeing my face and I can sense this off of his body language as he looks up into my eyes not through the mask this time.

“You don’t know why I wear this.”

“I don’t care why you wear it Ren. Do not trespass inside of my head again. That’s all there is to it. I won’t have you jeopardizing embarrassing me in front of my crew. ”

 “Or what?  what are you afraid I’ll see? ...You wanted that touch between us to last forever. I know it. I felt it.”

 Hux’s cheeks flush and rage fills his ice blue eyes again. “Who knows why I’d want to be anywhere near a pompous immature imbecile like you. I’ve been trying to distance myself from you. For my own sake”

 I can tell this is a lie. He’s been doing his best to distance himself from me and hated every moment of it. He’s emotional, his true feelings are easily slipping through the cracks in his well-constructed barriers.

“I noticed. That’s what made me worried. That’s what made me do what I did. I needed to know why.” 

“Why? Why does it fucking matter? Why couldn’t you just leave me alone.”

“Because every now and then I fall into your mind. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes accidentally. If I think about you too much that is. Sometimes the things you are feeling, and the way you are perceiving the world around you is opposite of me. It feels foreign and strange. But occasionally, it feels familiar, and real, and something I can connect to. I don’t understand my own feelings, so I teach myself through a comparison to what I feel inside of other people’s minds. It’s always been how I’ve understood myself...Today, The feeling you felt when we touched was so familiar. And you said that feeling was falling in love with me? If that’s true. And that’s actually what you felt...I too am falling for you.”

Hux has lost a bit of his poise and confidence as I speak. The blush stays on his cheeks but the fury leaves his eyes. They look soft now, and so sad. “What good is it?...falling for you.? And what good is it to have you falling for me. We don’t have time for this”

“I think it could be good.”

“What? So you can force your way into my mind more? And force yourself on me in general like it’s some sort of thing I’m required to do. These feelings happened on their own. Not because of your prodding. I want you to respect my boundaries.”

“You have my word...I would not breach your trust like that. It does happen on accident sometimes...and occasionally you project things to me you know.”

“Project? what to I project?”

“Nothing too worrying General, don’t worry. Just powerful emotions when you feel them sometimes. Things that make you anxious also sometimes cause me to feel anxious, too.”  

“And why are we connected like that? Can we get rid of it?”

“Because you’re often on my mind and that’s just what happens. No we can’t get rid of it. I don’t really want to”

“What would Snoke think? He won’t let us entertain a distraction like this.”

“He doesn’t have to know. We don’t have to show this to anyone. It can be special. Just for you and me.  If you let me get closer. I can give you those touches you were craving”

Hux moves a little closer. He wants this. It’s pouring out of him and into me and consuming every thought, feeling and emotion I have. There’s nothing but Hux in this moment.

“Kiss me, Ren”

“Is that an order?”

“No. It’s a request. From the person you’re supposedly falling in love with. Are you going to keep me waiting?”

I mentally scan the hallways and surrounding areas, we are comfortably alone. So I swiftly switch positions with Hux and back him into the corner he had trapped me in earlier. My lips press to his in what feels like something we’ve both wanted for too long. He parts his lips and I push my tongue inside, drinking him in slowly as I feel him melt into the wall. When I pull away he looks almost upset that it’s over.

“Don’t worry...that’s certainly not the last” I lean in and peck his lips again chastely. I’m not sure what makes me do this, but it feels strangely sweet and the way our noses awkwardly brush together makes my stomach flutter. Two kisses, so different in nature, but both feel so right that they’re with him. With Hux. My General.

“I’m sorry. For pushing into your mind like that. I suppose I was worried. I didn’t like that you were pulling away.”

“I...I was just afraid. That you wouldn’t have time for me.” I feel like this statement comes from somewhere deeper inside of Hux. He’s afraid of being unworthy of the love he craves.This is something that has happened to him before.  I will not let this fear become a reality. I will give him every amount of love I can muster and pray that I am enough to give him what he deserves.

“Come to bed with me.”

The look he gives me is one of tired insecurity. He thinks I intend for us to have sex, which would be fine with me - but that isn’t entirely what I had in mind. We had both had long days spending too much time lost in thought, I simply wanted to fall asleep with Hux in my arms. It felt appropriate. Almost like a small apology for encroaching on his mind in such a way and exposing something so fundamentally personal.

“Just to relax...I’m tired too. I don’t want to be without you now I know that I can have you.” I feel as if this is almost enough to bring a smile to Hux’s face, but he suppresses it into a small smirk.

“Fine. It goes both ways. If you have me, I have you. You’re mine.”

“Understood” I take his hand in an almost juvenile display of affection. He doesn’t let go, my room is not far.

I let him borrow some of my comfortable clothing. I don’t wear a uniform like the other members of The First Order, and am allowed to have a small amount of personal clothes to wear when I am off duty, so to speak. It’s a simple black shirt that’s too big for him. It falls off one of his shoulders which are much smaller than I had first realized. He’s quite slight, which is strange considering how bulky he seems in full uniform. I supposed that was the point. Hux’s mask of sorts.

He blushes and attempts to make the shirt fit correctly to no avail. It continues to slip off one shoulder and expose the freckles that lie there. I sit next to him on my bed and kiss them. I cannot help myself. I get chills of my own as I see the goosebumps rise on Hux’s skin. I’m not in his head, but I can still feel him. Still experience him. I’m still connected with him somehow.

We don’t say much to each other. Comfortable in silence after a hard day, and I feel like it’s almost magnetic as he falls into me under the covers, pressing closer as my arms wrap around him protectively. He really is so much smaller than I imagined him being when I first entertained the thought of holding him in my arms. He’s more perfect than i had pictured.

“In the morning, we don’t speak a word of this.”

“No...but I won’t forget.”

“I won’t either. This is fine. I like this. We just need to be careful.”

“You know I’m always careful, General.”

“Hush. Go to sleep now. I’m tired.”

“Kiss me first.”

“I don’t take orders from you.”

“It’s not an order, it’s a request from someone you’re supposedly falling in love with. Are you going to keep me waiting?”

I know he hates it when I use his own words against him, but he kisses me anyway. Softly but with the same precision and passion that came along with everything Hux did.

He was perfect and now he was mine. And I was his. And we were together. I close my eyes and drift into a peaceful slumber.  Hux’s breath is gentle against my skin and my heartbeat pounds rhythmically in his ear, soothing him to sleep.

  
  
  
  



End file.
